i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
