I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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