I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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