i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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