I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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