The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
