Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
