Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
a search helicopter?!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
