i would punch a child for taco bell
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
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