I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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