Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
