When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the day after is always just damage control
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
