I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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