If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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