so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
