Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
