YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
