alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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