my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
