I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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