She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
