I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
