Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
