I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Such a big mess for such a small penis
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
