how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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