Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
