Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
