Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
