FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
