i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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