hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
