I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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