I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
