Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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