I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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