I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
