you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
