I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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