my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
