I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
