so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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