You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
