i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
