Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
