If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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