Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
