Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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