dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My bed is full of blood and feathers
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
