We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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