did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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