if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
