help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i think i just lost a toe
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
