I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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