why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
