if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my being single is dangerous.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
