I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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