i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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